6 things I would change from my wedding
6 Things I would
Change
From a wedding planner who married 10 years ago
Introduction
Weddings are all about the details. And it really depends on how much importance you want to place on the various elements to determine the "perfect" wedding style and experience. It is so easy in this day and age of social media to get overwhelmed by all the inspiration out there. But, if you're anything like me, you may have a lot of opinions on what makes for a great wedding experience and it can be hard to filter through all those ideas for your own special day (or for someone else!). I have had many couples ask me over the years how I would plan MY own wedding...and I always give them an answer that includes two things: 1) I would do exactly what they want as a couple, because they want it! 2) There are just a few things that I would change from my own wedding 10 years ago if I could redo my big day today as a professional planner. So here are 6 things that stand out in my mind as little tweaks or elements from weddings that could make your festivities even more memorable!
No wedding favors
There are many things that I would change about my wedding, but one of the biggest things is not doing favors.
If you’re having a small wedding or just don't want to spring for favors, that’s fine! But if you do decide to do favors and can afford them, keep in mind that they will add up quickly. You have to purchase all of the supplies: boxes, ribbon, tissue paper — and then there's labor involved in assembling them yourself or paying someone else to do it for you. It might seem like a small thing compared with other costs associated with getting married (like venue rental), but believe me when I say that it adds up fast!
Favors are also not necessary or memorable by themselves; most people will forget about them as soon as they leave your wedding reception anyway because they haven't been given anything else specific enough (like an item) with which they can associate those items later on down the line when thinking back fondly upon your special day together. In fact, many guests will throw away their favors before even making it home from the party!
The only good reason I could find for offering these items was if there was something useful inside each box (such as cookies or something edible). But even then...
2. Cut my guest list
You should cut your guest list by 30-50%, or even more.
I know, I know: it sounds crazy to hear that you should cut the number of people invited to your wedding in half! But this is one area where you can do some serious damage control on costs. And here’s why: if you invite fewer people, there are less people at the wedding. And if there are fewer guests at the wedding, you have less food to buy and prepare—and that means an easier time feeding everyone on a budget without skimping on quality (think tacos instead of steak).
Now when we say “cut” or “do not invite,” we mean don't send invitations to anyone who isn't a close friend or family member. That means no distant cousins (or friends of distant cousins) whom you barely know; no work colleagues whose names escaped you after two years; no old friends from high school who haven't been in touch since graduation day; and certainly, no random Facebook acquaintances who were tagged in photos from Instagram-filtered nights out at bars with other couples during their best years ever!
3. Hire Professional Photographer
As a wedding planner, I’m constantly working with other planners and vendors to create amazing weddings for my clients. One of the most important things you can do is hire a professional photographer. A good photographer will take care of all aspects of your photography so that you can focus on other important details.
However, finding a great photographer isn’t always easy—so what should you look for in an artist?
First, look at their website and see if they have any sample photos available. The best photographers will offer many samples on their site or social media pages; if they don't have any photos up yet, that's OK but keep it in mind as you continue looking around at different shooters' work!
4. Hire a wedding planner (at least for day of)
I would hire a wedding planner. I’m not just saying this because I’m a planner, but for a whole lot of reasons, I’ll get into later. I would definitely at least consider hiring someone just for the day of.
You should have enough going on with just getting ready and enjoying the time with your closest family and friends! Planners are making sure the food and flowers are ordered and delivered so that there is no drama on your big day. You’re probably already running around like crazy trying to get everything done yourself (if you have no planner) and trying not to be stressed out about it all while also planning your honeymoon, getting ready for the ceremony/reception, and putting together an outfit that doesn't make you look like a clown or a deer caught in headlights ( I know from experience). You do not want to be worrying about anyone showing up with the wrong flowers for a bouquet when half of them are supposed to have lilies—or whether they're going to show up at all! And let's face it: you’ll likely always remember that one person who brought lilies instead of roses because they "thought" they were more appropriate than red roses; nothing will ruin your day faster than being reminded of this after the fact by said person who brought them (even if it was an honest mistake).
Letting someone else worry about things like timelines and flow helps keep everyone focused on what's really important: celebrating YOU TWO!
5. Something more timeless
The best advice I can give to brides is to think about something that will be timeless and relevant for decades to come. It's true that weddings are planned around the tastes of the bride and groom, but you want something that will look current forever. Something more timeless than a particular style or trend that may be popular today but might quickly go out of favor.
You don't have to pick an idea or theme based on what other people like or what is popular—instead, choose something that reflects your own personal style and personality… even if it isn’t timeless, it will be timeless to you two!
6. Don't have family help set up and clean up
There are a few things I would change about my own wedding, and one of them is that I would not let family members set up or clean up.
There are a number of reasons why I wouldn't recommend having family help out with setting up, decorating or cleaning. First, they're not trained professionals (and even if they were, they're still doing it for free). Second, you're going to be sacrificing something else in order to have them help—like your sanity or the time spent with guests after the wedding—and that's just not worth it. Thirdly and most importantly: You can never predict what will happen when people start working together on a large scale project like this one. Your mom may get mad at your sister because she thinks she's doing everything wrong; your dad might suddenly decide that he wants to spend all day working instead of spending time with his grandkids; there could be an injury that prevents someone from being able to finish their job...the list goes on!
The bottom line is this: If you really want family members' assistance at your wedding or other event, don't rely on them for anything more than just being there! Some people feel like they should do everything possible at their own events because they feel guilty hiring so many other people just so they can enjoy their special day. So while having family help out during this final stage might seem like an ideal solution at first glance, think again: there's no guarantee any given family member will show up on time or finish anything before leaving forever!
And even if everything goes smoothly and your family members do show up on time with no drama whatsoever… The ones who set up won’t get to enjoy it and may miss a big moment. Your parents have worked hard all their lives; now let them relax and enjoy themselves at this joyous occasion without worrying about setting up tables or busting out trash bags after dinner has been served!
Conclusion
There are no easy answers here. In the end, it’s your wedding and you need to set your own priorities. Depending on how large a guest list you want, or how much of a budget crunch you’re in, some options may be more attractive than others. Either way, it’s important to be realistic about what kind of wedding you can afford with the resources at hand—and not to get too carried away by the romantic fantasy that so often surrounds this particular milestone in life. In any case, I hope that this advice has been helpful and will enable you to plan a beautiful, stress-free day!
AMBER HANSEN EVENTS
The little things matter in life, as much as the big things!